MISHA – God of Party

I AM THE GOD OF PARTY. I am supposed to have said this during my first year at Crownbridge University, jumping from the roof into the pool at a rager. It was fun and dumb and shallow and exactly how I wanted my American classmates to see me. I leaned into it and it stuck.

MISHA – Petrushka the Troublemaker

The music of the party faded into a distant beat as we stepped into the backyard, sparsely populated. We were lucky that Halloween night, it was maybe 14º—sorry, high fifties. Cool, but not yet cold. Not even American cold. I barely felt it, even with no shirt under my jacket.

EMMA – Do. Not. Say. It.

My feet walked. My cheeks burned. My mind spiraled. ‘National treasure?’ Why did you say that? Now he knows he has pretty eyes. Okay, he obviously knows they’re pretty. He probably gets it all the time—they’re very blue. Why does his jacket smell like…tea?

MISHA – She Swims In Lakes

“🧚🏠” Emma’s text arrived as I walked back down the street. I had forgotten to take my jacket back, and I was fighting the urge to turn back and take it off of her. And everything else, if she’d let me.

MISHA – Call Off the Safety Watch

To be honest, I could not remember the last time I woke up on a Sunday without a hangover, no cottony mouth or fuzzy brain or hatred of all things light and loud. But that Sunday, I did.

EMMA – Did It Yearn Enough?

I stepped down to the side door of the old music hall’s basement at 8:58pm and sucked in a deep breath, inwardly reciting the mantra I’d been repeating all day. It’s just music. Listen to him play. Give him his jacket and the record. You don’t owe him anything else.

MISHA – Ah, What a Trap It Was

I took a deep breath as the final note dissipated into the air, then let it go. I play the piano hard—I play everything hard—but playing so raw and so sweet for an audience? It felt different, like I had poured out something I had been holding back.

MISHA – Sovershennaya, Perfect

The walk was twelve minutes, I think. Or twelve hours maybe. I did not check, because I was too busy looking at Emma and then trying not to, because every time she bit her lower lip or looked back at me out of the corner of her eye, I wanted to press her against the nearest wall to kiss her, which I had done several times, and if I kept doing it we would never reach her apartment.

EMMA – When You’re Not Trying To Be Perfect

Anxiety yanked me into consciousness at three-something in the morning. He’s probably gone, came the bitter voice in my head. No. He’s still here, said a happier one. See? It’s warm.

MISHA – Do You Sell Flying Pigs?

The goodbye kiss Emma leaned in to press to my lips before I left her outside Classic Vinyl was a promise I intended to collect on. Later. She was being a good employee, and if I stayed I would distract her, very intentionally. So I walked away, though not without watching her disappear into the little shop.

EMMA – Nana’s House

My body was still thrumming from the hungry way Misha had been staring at me when we reached our destination. The restaurant was narrow, nestled tight between a laundromat and a taco joint. It was signaled only by an anemic blue awning with the almost-completely faded name “Nana’s House” on it. I glanced at Misha, but he strolled up to the door and threw it open like he lived there.

EMMA – Not a Settle-Down Kind of Guy

We spent the next week learning each other’s lives and slotting ourselves into them with little friction. He stayed over any night I didn’t have to wake up early the next morning for class. One night, Chloe and Vi insisted on coming over to “help us make dinner,” which was code for “see what’s going on.”

MISHA – With My Own Stupid Hands

Something was wrong.

ADRIAN – If I had Seen Her First

I met Mikhail Sokolov at a rush party my freshman year, and I think I knew even then that he would be a problem for me.

Emma – A Little Time

I didn’t talk to Misha for most of Saturday. That wasn’t my intent, not really. I declined breakfast Saturday morning, then got distracted covering a last-minute shift at work. My phone hadn’t charged right on its crappy cable overnight, and I didn’t realize until it died right after I’d texted him to beg off going to the party. When I got home, I plugged it in without turning it on. Maybe I was subconsciously avoiding him.

MISHA – Tell Me What To Do

At 12:48 p.m., I paced a block away from Emma’s apartment. When she sent me away that morning, I dragged myself back to Sig House, without even the energy to try and punch my frustrations out at the gym. The only person awake at the house had been Jacob. Planning everyone’s cleaning duties after the party the night before, of course.

MISHA – A Way to Stay

The world kept turning. I could hardly believe it had been so…easy is not the right word. I never wanted to do that again. But some part of me had expected the kind of drama in a movie. Tears and anger and maybe even being shoved out the door.

EMMA – No Pressure, Right?

I was surprised when Misha invited me to the reception—happy, because it was a sort of outing I’d never experienced, and I would do it at his side. But surprised. An evening hobnobbing with a bunch of donor-class dads and grandfathers wasn’t his usual style.

MISHA – Push Me

At first I was buoyed by how the party went. Becka—the date I had asked Monty to bring, which he minded far less than he pretended—not only posted the hoped-for group selfie but apparently spread far and wide that Emma and I were “such a cute couple.” It was so easy I felt uncomfortable, like perhaps I was more my father’s son than I thought.

EMMA – It Gave Me Some Perspective

“Hey, sweetie,” my mom swept into the room where I’d been staring dully at my phone, waiting for Misha to text. “If you’re looking for something to do…I have those boxes of yours from high school you could go through.” My mother, Elaine Reeves, is definitely the parent who taught me the art of keeping busy. It was a great way to still the thoughts that intruded into one’s day.

EMMA – There Was Time

The sharp switch from spending all my time with Misha to being two hundred miles away had left me feeling unmoored while I was with my family for Christmas. It was bittersweet that my childhood home was less and less “home” as time moved on, even before I’d met Misha. But reducing his warm, captivating presence to a text thread and a few video calls felt like going from Shakespeare to Cliff’s Notes.

MISHA – Poison the Well

Parker was the first to tell me about Calloway, but Emma came soon after. “Adrian chatted her up a little,” Parker said when he ran into me looking for her. “It looked like she put him off, though.” I did not even need to ask Emma.

EMMA – As Long As I Can

May. I thought I was ready for something bad. Conservative parents, maybe, the kind who would object to a headstrong American girlfriend. Or, yes, maybe an expectation that he would go back to Russia after graduation.

MISHA – I Would Follow Her Into Hell

Two weeks passed and the heavy cloud that was my situation—our situation now, Emma would say, which I regretted and cherished the same amount—became an uninvited third wheel in our relationship. Sometimes it interrupted a moment of quiet happiness, other times it hovered just out of view, waiting to make itself known again. Emma would ask questions, always thinking…but neither of us had a solution.

EMMA – I’m Going to Keep You

Not tonight. Adrian had been so…so at ease the last few times I had seen him, so normal-friend-like that I was totally unprepared for his absurd birthday gift. A first edition copy of, what else? Ozma of Oz, by L. Frank Baum.

EMMA – More Useful Here

When we woke the next morning, I was surprised to find Misha missing from the bed beside me, though it was still warm. I sat up and spotted him in the kitchen, washing a bowl to have some cereal in.

MISHA – If I Ask

It took a few days to finish the application, but that was the easy part, especially with Dr. García’s support. Getting the internship would mean nothing to my father for the same reason it was practically a sure thing: it was no victory when his name opened the door.

EMMA – How Will That Help

We had cause for optimism at the beginning.

MISHA – Sour and Sweet

I could not believe she had asked him. “He’s working really hard at it, with Elliott and Jacob and some others, and—and I wish he’d ask you to work with him, too,” Emma was saying as I approached her, already primed for annoyance at Calloway’s presence.

MISHA – I Want Five Minutes

The day after graduation. Emma and I stared at it for what felt like forever.

MISHA – You Don’t Even Know How Perfect

Three weeks was almost too long to be ready for the summit presentation. After all, I had already done most of the work, between white papers and slide presentations. I practiced it in front of Emma, Parker, Jacob…I even showed it to Monty, just to see if it was too boring. (He begged me to put in some jokes.) There was nothing else I could be doing—even my internship acceptance had come in as expected.

ADRIAN – A Detestable Thing

She was perfect at the party. I’d known she would be.

EMMA – Perhaps We Should Meet

I didn’t stop touching the necklace for the entire limo ride—of course Misha booked a limo—to the party venue. Every time Misha glanced over and saw my thumb stroking one side of it, he grinned and kissed the top of my head.

EMMA – How Nice Of You To Visit

I knew who he was immediately by his eyes. The color was lighter than Misha’s, more stormy-grey, but the shape was the same…except without any sign of Misha’s spark or his big, buoyant heart.

EMMA – We Could Figure It Out

“Where’s my laptop?” Misha called from the dining room as I finished getting ready, pinning the last of my braid into place and examining the effect in the mirror.

MISHA – Hands Off Time Is Over

It had been forty-eight uninterrupted hours of peace and careful hope. So really, I should have known something was coming.